80 Wittiest Funny Minion Quotes With Minion Images

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All over the world, Minions, the cute and lovely cartoon are loved by adults and children alike. After all who can’t fall in love with these cheeky, adorable over-enthusiastic and witty mischief magnets? Directed by Pierre Coffin in 2015, this American 3D computer-animated comedy film became an instant hit. They won millions of hearts with their silly jokes and clear-cut slapstick honesty. Today, you will find them everywhere – from ceramic mugs, cushion covers to school bags, mouse pad, clothes and more. Here we have come up with some funny minion quotes. So buckle your seat belts and enjoy the ride.

Funny Minion Quotes:

1.“A person who always disturbs you is the person who always loves you.”

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2.“Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everybody’s garden!”

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3.“Don’t steal, don’t cheat, don’t lie. The government hates competition”

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4.“I have decided to keep my past behind, so if I owe you money.. Sorry, I have moved on.”

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5.“Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake.”

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6.“I hate it when people ask me, ‘do you have a bathroom?’ No. we pee in the yard.”

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7.“At the end of this ruler, there is an idiot. I got detention after asking which end.”

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8.“I am just a step away from being rich, all I need now is money.”

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9. “A pretty face is nothing if you have an ugly heart.”

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10.“I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.”

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11.“Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious place.”

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12. “Follow your heart but take your brain with you.”

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13.“Don’t text me when I’m in the middle of texting you. Now I have to change my whole text.”

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14.“I exercised once and found out I was allergic to it! My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous!”

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15.“Brains are awesome I wish everybody had one.”

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16.“Don’t rush me. I’m still deciding whether to be productive or not.”

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17.“Hitting the gym to release the stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused to stress to begin with!”

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18.“Don’t be afraid of a few extra pounds. Fat people are harder to kidnap.”

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19.“H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K. = Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge.”

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20. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, sit next to me.”

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21. “Dear Lord, all  ask for is a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make me a bad person.”

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22.“If people are talking about you behind your back, just fart!” –  Unknown

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23.“Dear Maths, please grow up and solve your own problems. I am tired of solving them for you.”

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24.“I’m thankful my childhood was filled with bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and likes you get on a phone.”

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25.“I love rumors. I always find amazing things about myself I never knew.”

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26.“Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.”

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27.“I’m going to order a pizza 5 minutes before New Year and when they arrive I‘ll say I ordered this a year ago, LOL.”

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28.“Life is too short to wake up in a bad mood. I save mine for when I go to work!”

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29.“I hate you and then I love you. It’s like I want to throw you off the cliff, then rush to the bottom to catch you!”

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30.“My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.”

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31.“I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.”

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32.“My dog is not a pet. My dog is family.”

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33.“I have to stop. Saying how stupid you can be? People have started to take it as a challenge.”

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34.“Does anybody else have a voice in their head that repeats, “Slap the idiot, Slap the idiot!” No? Just me? Odd.”

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35.“I am not clumsy. It is just that the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in the way.”

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36.“Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.”

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37.“I try to take life one day at a time … but lately several days have attacked me at once.”

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38.“Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.”

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39.“If we get caught you’re deaf and I don’t speak.”

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40.“Sometimes I forget to spell a word so I change the whole sentence to avoid using it.”

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41.“I didn’t trip. The floor looked sad. So I thought it needed a hug!”

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42.“When you get angry take a break and count to 10. Throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that.”

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43.“I’m awake don’t mean that I’m working at the full capacity.”

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44.“Lazy rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it!”

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45.“It takes real skill to choke on air fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing. I have that skill!”

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46.“My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and then it’s never found again.”

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47.“I hate when I go to a restaurant and they ask, “Would you like a table?” “No, I want the floor!”

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48.“Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it!”

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49.“I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.”

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50.“My mom always told me if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all and some people wonder why I am so quiet around.”

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51.“I need a six month vacation twice a year!”

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52.“My diet plan: Bake cupcakes for my friends. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!”

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53. “Never let your friends feel lonely! Disturb them at all times!”

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54.“Take me or leave me. Either way, you won’t find someone else like me.”

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55.“I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are like ‘hey, what are you doing here?’ and I’m just like ‘Oh you know, hunting elephants.”

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56.“When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, try a baseball bat. Results may vary.”

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57.“I never make same mistakes twice. I at least make it five to six times.”

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58.“Nope, can’t go to hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me!!”

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59.“In bed, it’s 6am you close your eyes for five minutes, it’s 7:45. At work, it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes. It’s 1:31!”

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60.“Ooh who is that sexy beast? Oh, I clicked my own profile again.”

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61.“People say everything happens for a reason so if I punch you on the face , remember I have a reason.”

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62.“Respect your parents. They passed the school without Google.”

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63.“Saying “I’m almost there” when you actually haven’t even left the house.”

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64.“I was told to check my attitude. I checked. It’s still there! What’s the problem?”

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65.“Where is far far away and how do I get there?”

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66.“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see!”

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67.“The next time you get a call from an unknown number, answer the phone and say, it’s done, but there’s blood everywhere!”

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68.“Women are not moody. We simply have days when we are less inclined to put up with your crap.”

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69.“OMG! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!”

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70.“Take a deep breath. It’s Just a bad day, not a bad life!”

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71.“Unless your name is Google, stop acting as If you know everything!”

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72.“When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write ‘wash me’ on her face.”

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73.“You know how you can smack something to get it to work? I wish I could do the same with people.”

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74.“Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.”

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75.“When someone says ‘Don’t look’, I get this sudden urge to look!”

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76.“You never know what you have until..You clean the room.”

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77.“We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.”

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78.“You can’t always control what walks into your life but you can always control which window to throw them out of!”

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79.“Where is your latest selfie? It has been several hours. I was beginning to think you had died!”

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80.“You don’t have to like me. I’m not a Facebook Status!”

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Conclusion:

These small yellow creatures dressed in blue overalls and goggles has become a huge brand itself today. They enjoy the global popularity. Modern life is full of stress and chaos. We hope that these funny minion quotes made you smile. Share your favorite with your loved ones and see their faces glowing with happiness.

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