The 42 Most Hilarious Quotes from Joe Dirt

Joe dirt is among the cut and paste slapstick comedies from Adam Sandler’s production company. It features many of Sandler’s comedian friends and actors including Kid Rock, Brian Thomson, Adam Beach, and Christopher Walken, Jaime Pressly, Dennis Miller, Mitzi Martin, and of course David Spade. Joe Dirt came out in April 2001 and the sequel, Joe Dirt 2, came out in July 2015.

Joe Dirt was produced by Robert Simonds and directed by Dennie Gordon. The film script was written by Fred Wolf and David Spade. The main character, Joe Dirt is played by David Space – he’s a “loser” who was orphaned by his parents that abandoned him at the Grand Canyon. In short, he is a redneck who is a bit out of touch and that is the humor of the movie!

Joe is a janitor with acid wash jeans and a mullet hairdo which makes him the type of person who is mocked by others. The movie is about his quest to find his parents. His quest takes him along from one adventure to another.

Eventually he makes his way to Los Angeles where a “shock-jock” radio host (played by Dennis Miller) brings Joe dirt on his radio show to mock and make fun of him. As Joe’s story unfolds though, he begins to win people over and they start to root for him and help him make progress on his journey.

Joe Dirt Quotes

1. “You guys got something’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it in the microphone? I got a backup mic right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up.”-Joe Dirt.

2. “And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandy was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.”-Joe Dirt.

3. “But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.”-Joe Dirt.

4. “You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?”- Joe Dirt.

5. “Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showing’ and it was grossing’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…”-Joe Dirt.

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6. “Why did you do that to me? I was only eight years old – I was just a little kid. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to? No one that cares if you’re alive or dead? Every day you just think you’re worthless and there’s a void in your life?”-Joe Dirt.

7. “The guy doing the police sketches thought I was messing with him because my dad came out looking like Father Time and my mom came out looking too butch and looking way too much like Richard Ramirez. You know the Night Stalker, remember him?”-Joe Dirt.

8. “There are three rules when dealing with a deadly alligator. And yes, they are deadly, don’t kid yourself. Rule number one, I’m number one. You hear that? I like to kid around. Rule two, the croc’s number two. Now before I begin…” Joe Dirt.

9. “To tell you the truth, brother, between you and me. The thing with the dog is coming off a little fruity. That’s just me talking.”-Joe Dirt.

10.” You like to see homos naked? Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me.”

11. “So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?”-Joe Dirt.

12. “Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?”-Joe Dirt.

13. “People like that security guard. They don’t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and what not. Alls I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things’ll come my way. Everything’s gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have no in my heart.”-Joe Dirt.

14. “Hell no, man I don’t listen to that crap! I’m a rocker, dude through and through. Here’s my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep.”-Joe Dirt.

15. “Yeah, you want a match? My face and your ass! How ’bout that friend? Huh? I mean, your ass and my face, what’s up?”- Joe Dirt.

16. “Here we go, I’m a bit of a crocophile, so don’t try this at home. This here’s Rocky, and he ain’t no puppy. Now, let’s see if Rocky’s got some cavities.”-Joe Dirt.

17. “Nunamaker! Nunamaker! That’s what my sister said on the way to the Grand Canyon! My last name’s Dirt, her last name’s Nunamaker! That’s my parents’ last name!”- Joe Dirt.

18. “ If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

19. “You really think you can match that slant 6 of yours against this 426 hemi? Huh? Well then let’s do it little boy!” Charlene the Gator Farmer.

20. “Well, huh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick ’em in mailboxes, you drop ’em in toilets, shove ’em up bullfrogs asses,” Joe Dirt.

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21. “You’re saying you have no black cats, Roman candles or screaming meemies? Come on. You don’t got no ladyfingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs… church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippedy-doodas, crap flappers?” Joe Dirt.

22. “I’m not talking about a posi-trac; I’m talking about me. How long did you look for me before you gave up? How lone were you riding in that car before you realized I wasn’t in it? Exactly how long?” Joe Dirt.

22. “My name is Joe Dirte, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” Joe Dirt.

23. “But I’m pickin’ it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say?” Joe Dirt.

24. “Home is where you make it.” Old Cajun Man.

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25. “And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying ‘what’s up, baby?” Joe Dirt.

26. “Well that might be your problem, it’s not what you like, it’s the consumer.” Joe Dirt.

27. “Well today I’m gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that’s right I said Hemi.” Joe Dirt.

28. “You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoof beats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” Kicking Wing.

29. “Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where’s the good stuff man?” Joe Dirt.

30. “There you go. Someone shoves an M-80 up a bullfrog’s butt, blows him to pieces…he comes back to you to fix it. You win twice, brother. It’s good biz.” Joe Dirt.

31. “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back; making fun of poor Joe Dirt?

Zander Kelly Probably, because I’m sure that Yahweh would be chiming in too.” Joe Dirt

32. “You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?” Joe Dirt.

33. “No, afraid not. That just a big ol’ frozen chunk of poopy.” Meteor Bert.

33. “You’re talking to me all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!” Clem.

34. “You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuh-reak! You’re going to hell, man!” Joe Dirt

35.” Â Hey! You’re talking to my guy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. Do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.” Joe Dirt

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36. “All right! We didn’t lose him; we just left him. So what? The dude’s doing fine! Look at him!” Joe’s Dad.

37. “Hey, you’re grounded! Where are you all going? Hey, come on! You don’t have to follow him just because he’s going!” Joe’s Dad.

38. “My God! Oh, my clowns! Look at my clowns! I wish he never found us! Look what he did to my children! Oh, no! Hey! Hey, TV people! Hey, TV people!” Joe’s Mom.

39. “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown,” Joe’s Mom.

40. “Don’t you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe,” Zander Kelly.

41. “Now, you’re telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?” Zander Kelly.

42. “Don’t try and church it up son. Don’t you mean Joe Dirt? Naming you that your father must’ve really hated you,” Security Guard

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Joe Dirt Video – Theatrical Trailer


If you haven’t seen Joe Dirt, or just want to relive the silliness of the movie in a couple minutes without having to rewatch the whole thing, check out the original theatrical trailer.


We spent a lot of time to round up the best Joe Dirt quotes and hope you enjoyed them. And they might even inspire you to watch the movie again.

Adam Sandler made many movies – some were good, some not so good, but most of them were very light and funny. These are good movies to watch when you need to lighten your mood.

Joe Dirt Movie Quotes – Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is Joe Dirt’s saying?

“Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” “

What does Joe Dirt say about life?

“You gotta keep on keepin’ on. Life’s a garden: dig it. You gotta make it work for you.” This is Joe’s mantra, and while it may sound a little clichéd, it’s a lesson in persistence.

What does Joe Dirt call his fists?

“Oh come on, man. You don’t got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?” – Joe Dirt

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