30 of the Most Memorable Jay and Silent Bob Quotes

Jay and Silent Bob are two fictional characters created by Kevin Smith and have appeared in various movies which take place in a fictitious universe named View Askewnivers. Their chemistry is interesting to watch and an appealing point about these two characters is their comradery and loyalty towards one another despite their starking contrast in characters.

In most of the movies they are featured in, they could both be found selling something illegal in front of a convenience store.

Out of the duo, Jay naturally takes the role of a leader since Silent Bob, like his moniker simply does not talk unless it is necessary.

Unlike Silent Bob, Jay is loud, vulgar and spouts offensive remarks whenever he finds the opportunity to. Occasions where he could be found bullying and even threating those he deals with is not uncommon.

In most of the films, Jay is shown as a character who talks more than he does, always boasting about his reputation as a ladies man when the reality is quite the opposite.

However, when paired with Silent Bob, a character who is quite different than him, their spark is quite uncanny. Silent Jay, well, is mostly silent.

Despite his silence, his speech and talk are remarkably impactful and thought- provoking. In situations where his input is required, he is more than capable to provide an eloquent and logical explanations or instructions especially for his friend, Jay.

Together, these two buddies started out their journey meeting each other as infants in front of Quick Stop Groceries while their mothers went inside the store to store. Throughout various installments of the movies they are featured in, they paved into various adventures, both silly and humorous.

Jay and Silent Bob Quotes

Here are some of memorable Jay and Silent Bob’s quotes from you to giggle at.

In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.

Don’t you never say an unkind word about the Time. Me and Silent Bob modeled our whole ****ing lives around Morris Day and Jerome.

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Yo. You guys need to turn those frowns upside down. And I got just the thing for that. [pulls out a bag of rolled up joints] We call them Doobie Snax.

Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn’t we used to ride that **it to school every morning for free?

And I’ll be, like, “What, you don’t know ****in’ Jay and Silent Bob? The ****in’ mack daddys of ****in’ Jersey?” And she’ll be, like, “Oh, I’ve read on the Internet that youse guys are a couple of little

Affleck, you da bomb in “Phantoms,” yo!

Just call me Darth Balls… Bong!

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Oh, but I think it is. We had a deal with you on the comics, remember, for likeness rights? And as we’re not only the artistic basis, but also the character basis for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic, when said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky… you are in breach of the original contract. Ergo, you find yourself in a very actionable position.

I can’t believe this **it. Five hours and not a single ride. Every day people hitch to Hollywood to stop studios from making films about ’em, but when you and me try it, it’s like we’re trapped in a ****in’ cartoon.

Eew, man, she had ’70s bush. Damn second rule in that book should be: “Trim that **it”.

It’s a Miramax flick. We gotta bust up some people who were calling us names on the internet, even thought they’re not really talking about us but characters based on us, and at the same time find my ex-girlfriend-who-was-killed-by-a-car-explosion’s monkey.

Are we gonna have a problem… again?

All you motherf*ckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the b*ll-l*ckers. We’re gonna f*ck your mothers while you watch and cry like little, whiny b*tches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax f*cks who is makin’ the movie… we’re gonna make them eat our sh*t, then sh*t out our sh*t, and then eat their sh*t that’s made up of our sh*t that we made ’em eat. Then you’re all you motherf*cks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.

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It’s either this or jail. And you know what they do to you in jail.

Look, man. She doesn’t want to go back to the lab. And for the record, I ain’t gay.

Right. My bad. Three days to stop that ****ing movie from getting made. Come on, Silent Bob. We’re going to Hollywood!

You know, after about five movies, I’m starting to realize that.

I said you LOVE the ****. I must be the craftiest mother****er alive.

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Holy ****, is that monkey waving at us? Oh, sh*t, It understood us! Maybe it’s some kind of supermonkey. What if there’s more supermonkeys up at that lab? [shouts] What if they’re creating an army of them? Holy sh*t. It must be a conspiracy like in the X-Files… *Roswell* style! This little monkey could be the ****in’ damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race. In this world gone mad, we won’t spank the monkey- the monkey will spank us. And after the fall of man, these monkey ****s’ll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image. Oh and only those as super smart as me will be left alive to bitterly cry – *you maniacs*! Damn yous! Goddamn yous all to hell!

[singing] Fifteen bucks, little man,Put that **it in my hand,If that money doesn’t show,Then you owe me, owe me, owe,My jungle love, yeah,Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe,I think I want to know ya, know ya,

Yeah, what?

I film this sh*t, I yell cut and then I get the **** outta here back to my trailer, because I got more white girls in there than the first lifeboat of the Titanic, and they all want a part in my movie, and I got just the part for ’em!

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See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldn’t have cancelled us.

It is a comic book, not your d*ck! Show some respect. Hold it like you’d hold a woman.

Hey Mr. Science Guy… don’t spray that aerosol in my eye… for… for I… I don’t really wanna die. I’m a noble rabbit…

Yo lunchbox, hurry it up.

Zoinks, yo!

Nothing. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.

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Jay & Silent Bob Video – Official “Reboot” Trailer

More recently, in 2019, the much awaited sequel came out. Here is the official trailer. It looks as hilarious as the original movie.

Check out the trailer!


Did these Quotes Remind you How Funny Jay & Silent Bob was?

Whether it’s embarking on a road trip to Hollywood or journeying to Chronic-Con, Jay and Silent Bob show us that true friendship goes above all odds. Despite their differences in character, these duos co-exist in a way most unlikely making them fun to watch on screen.

Next time, you wonder if you can be best buds with someone whose personalities differ from yours tremendously, just think that our pals Jay and Silent Bob did it.


Image Credit: Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)

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