As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This post may contain affiliate links. Please read our disclosure for more info.
My Cousin Vinny is a classic comedy about a lawyer trying to save his cousin and his friend from going to prison for murder. Unfortunately, this is Vinny’s first murder case. This hilarious movie had a lot of movie quotes in it. Some of them are hilarious and worth revisiting. There may be one that you enjoy reciting.
My Cousin Vinny Quotes
Here are some of the most memorable quotes from My Cousin Vinny.
1. “Jim Trotter: what do you do for a living?
Mona Lisa: I’m an unemployed beautician.
Jim Trotter: An unemployed beautician? How does that help you prove that you know about cars?
Mona Lisa: It doesn’t prove anything if you must know.”
2. “Mona Lisa: Relax, Vinny. There’s gotta be a way to get you out of jail. I will find a way to come up with the bail money.
Vinny: Don’t worry about it. I want to spend a night in prison. Perhaps I’ll get some sleep that way. I’m getting better at this, aren’t I, Lisa?”
3. “Vinny: I don’t approve of this witness testifying right now. The defense hasn’t been warned about this witness being here today. It was a complete blindside on the prosecutor’s part. There’s no proof of any tests or reports that he has completed. As you know, my clients deserve to be informed ahead of time of anyone who will be testifying especially anyone who claims to be an expert on science. This way the defense will be able to cross-examine the witness as well as give the defense a chance to check out the evidence and have it examined by an expert who might be able to prove that the witness was wrong.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Gambini? I’m surprised that you came up with a clear an excellent objection.
Vinny: I appreciate that, You Honor.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: But you’re still overruled.”
4. “Vinny: You played billiards with my girlfriend, Lisa for a couple of hundred dollars. She came out the winner, but you didn’t pay her the money. I’m here because I want the money from you.
JT: Here’s a better offer for you. I will fight you outside right now.
Vinny: You like to make deals in your favor. That’s what lawyers like to do too. I know because I happen to be a lawyer. I like to make deals too. This is gonna be a hard choice for me to make. Do I get beat up or do I get the couple of hundred dollars you owe my girlfriend? I will think about this for a second. It has been a while since I’ve been in a fight, but you know what…instead of fighting, I will take the money you owe.
JT: You must be joking. You will have to kill me first.
Vinny: You like to change your mind while you’re talking. Well, here’s another choice for you. Should I just kill you? What happens if I just beat you into a bloody pulp?
JT: That will happen. Only in your dreams.
Vinny: It will happen in reality. If I beat you up, do I get her money?”
5. “Mona Lisa: What are you looking at?
Vinny: What do you think I’m looking at? I’m looking at you. You don’t exactly fit in with the way you are dressed.
Mona Lisa: I don’t fit in? What about the way you’re dressed?
Vinny: I can blend in better than you can. At least I have boots on. You don’t even have that.
Mona Lisa: You fit in just fine.”
6. “Stan: Didn’t you have any questions to ask, Vinny?
Vinny: What was I supposed to ask?
Bill: You were aware that you could ask things weren’t you, Vinny?
Stan: If you had done a better job, you might have gotten the case dismissed.
Vinny: You are in cow country. You are from the East. You murdered a hometown boy. There was no way in the world this case wasn’t going to trial.”
7. “Vinny: What’s that noise? Is that the faucet dripping?
Mona Lisa: Yes it is, Vinny.
Vinny: Am I mistaken? You were the last one in the bathroom weren’t you?
Mona Lisa: What’s your point?
Vinny: Didn’t you use the sink?
Mona Lisa: Yeah, so what?
Vinny: Why didn’t you turn the faucet off?
Mona Lisa: I did. It was off when I left the bathroom.
Vinny: If it was off, why is it dripping?
Mona Lisa: Isn’t it possible that it could be off and still dripping?
Vinny: No, it’s not possible because if it were off, it wouldn’t be dripping now.
Mona Lisa: Perhaps something is wrong with it. Did you think of that?
Vinny: Is that your excuse? Something is wrong with it?
Mona Lisa: Yeah, something’s wrong with it.
Vinny: Are you certain of this?
Mona Lisa: Yes I am. I’m positive.
Vinny: Maybe you didn’t turn the knob hard enough.
Mona Lisa: I did it just fine.
Vinny: What makes you so sure that you did?
Mona Lisa: I checked the manual carefully and I did everything I was supposed to do.
Vinny: How do you know you did it right?
Mona Lisa: I used the right wrench.
Vinny: How do you know that it’s right?
Mona Lisa: I know my way around tools so I know what I’m doing.
Vinny: I give up then. I guess the faucet’s broken.”
8. “Vinny: Everything he said was complete garbage. Thank you very much.
Jim Trotter: I want to object, Your Honor. His entire opening remarks are defensive.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Your objection is sustained. The defense’s opening statement except for “thank you” will be removed from the record.”
9. “Mona Lisa: Were you looking for me to hold your hand after what you did? Do you really want that? Oh, okay. You were amazing. The way you took care of the judge…You were the best talker ever. You truly are.”
10. “Vinny: Lisa, I don’t have time for this right now. This is not the time for you to pull stunts. I’m dealing with a judge who is dying to put me back in jail. A loser who wants to beat me up because you hustled him for $200. Mutilated animals are keeping me up at night. Whistles are also keeping me up at night. Haven’t been to sleep in five days. I am broke, I have dress code issues and a trial in which two people’s lives are on the line. I also have to deal with your biological clock. My job, your needs, our relationship, and what else can top that? Is there anything else we can put on top of my mountain of problems?
Mona Lisa: Perhaps I should have mentioned it another time.”
11. “Guard: There’s somebody here to see you.
Vinny: I take it you’re Stan? How are you?
Stan: Why did they decide to bring you in my cell?
Vinny: I just came into town. I was wondering where the new people were and they told me you were here. I’ll start with you since Billy is asleep.
Stan: I don’t want this.
Vinny: I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to go through this at all. It would better to get through it fast and with no pain. Let’s make this a simple in-and-out session. (Stan walks away from Vinny). What are you doing? You need to relax. Let’s talk about this and get to know each other better before we get to the point. What’s the matter with you?
Stan: I don’t want to do this with you!
Vinny: I get it, but what are your other options?
Stan: My other options? You mean besides you? I would rather die.
Vinny: It’s gonna be me or someone else. Either way you’re going to be screwed. Calm down. I’m trying to help you.
Stan: Thank you very much.
Vinny: I think you need to be grateful.
Stan: I need to be grateful?
Vinny: It’s you going through this and not me. You need to be grateful to me. You need to be down on your knees.
Stan: Sorry. Didn’t realize it was such a pleasure and privilege to be seen by you.
Vinny: I’m doing something for you and I’m not even charging you.
Stan: You have a big ego there don’t you?
Vinny: What in the world is your problem? I didn’t come here to get screwed over. I was here to get you off.
Stan: I’m not screwing you over. I don’t want anything from you.
Vinny: Forget it. Do this on your own. I’ll take care of your buddy.
Billy: Get away from me! Hey Vinny!
Stan: Is that Vinny?”
12. “Vinny: What is that on this plate?
Cook: What do you mean what is that? Haven’t you ever heard of grits before?
Vinny: Of course I know what grits are. I just never saw one before. Which is why I asked.”
13. “Vinny: Is it okay if I treat her as a hostile witness?
Mona Lisa: If you think this is bad, wait until we’re alone tonight.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Have you two met before?
Vinny: Of course. We’re getting married.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: That explains her attitude towards you.”
We hope you loved these quotes from My Cousin Vinny as much as we do!
My Cousin Vinny is a timeless movie. The movie is known for its one-liners as well as classic lines. It’s always great to revisit the quotes from time to time. Are there quotes on the list that you recite to people who know or don’t know the movie? The list is great for long time fans of the movie as well as new fans of the movie.