75 Most Hilarious Pirate Quotes

These pirate quotes are sure to leave you laughing in hysterics and a longing for the high seas.

Pirates are often seen as rough and rugged characters with an eye patch and wooden legs who hide secret treasures beneath the sand. Such as the notorious Blackbeard of the 16th century, a commander of four massive ships.

The Pirate Quotes below have a little bit of everything, including some very funny sailing ventures you are sure to find delightful. Each one selected to entertain both the young and young at heart. So, grab your waistcoat and bottle of rum and join us on this here adventure in the world of pirates.

Hilarious Pirate Quotes

1. “Playing a card game with a pirate can be a risky affair. They always stand on the deck.” — Unknown Author

2. “If ye can’t trust a pirate, ye darn well can’t trust a merchant either.” — Unknown Author

3. “To life, love, and loot.” — Captain Morgan

4. “Funnily enough, I have always seen pirates using aye phones.” — Unknown Author

5. “I’m a pirate. I’m my own captain.” — Unknown Author

6. “A Pirate’s favorite movie is one that is rated “ARRRR”!” — Unknown Author

7. “Pirates always get everything at lower prices. The reason is, they always shop on sail.” — Unknown Author

8. “A friend can betray you, but an enemy will always stay the same.” — Unknown Author

9. “May your anchor be tight, your cork be loose, your rum be spiced and your compass be true.” — Danny Taddei

10. “Pirates are always very healthy. They never have a deficiency of Vitamin sea.” — Unknown Author

11. “Land was created to provide a place for boats to visit.” — Unknown Author

12. “No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it.” — Unknown Author

13. “I have always seen pirates supporting the Arr-Gentinian football team.” — Unknown Author

14. “A pirate is for life, not just for Christmas.” — Unknown Author

15. “May your blade always be wet, and powder dry.” — Captain O’Dunne

16. “To err is human. But to arr is pirate.” — Unknown Author

17. “Take what you can, give nothing back.” — Unknown Author

18. “The cure for anything is salt water, sweat, tears or the sea.” — Robyn Nola

19. “Pirates make the best singers. They hit the high sea notes with ease.” — Unknown Author

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20. “If ye thinks he is ready to sail a beauty, ye better be willin’ to sink with her.” — Unknown Author

21. “There comes a time in most men’s lives where they feel the need to raise the Black Flag.” — Capt. D.

22. “The pirate wore pants and a suit for the first time. He looked like he had dressed for a cor-pirate meeting.” — Unknown Author

23. “It is when pirates count their booty that they become mere thieves.” — Unknown Authors

24. “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” — Captain Jack Sparrow

25. “Pirates are breathing the salty sea air all year long. They have to be very careful about res-pirate-ory problems.” — Unknown Author

26. “The existence of the sea means the existence of pirates.” — Unknown Author

27. “Loot is first and wimmen second. Because if ye have the first ye’ll have the second, but if ye have the second ye won’t have the first for long!” — Linda Meilink

28. “When we saw the pirates arr-iving, we decided to rush from there. ” — Unknown Author

29. “The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a pirate.” — Unknown Author

30. “Keep calm and drink a bottle of rum.” — Unknown Author

31. “The food pirates were finally found and arrr-ested by the cops.” — Unknown Author

32. “I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, A poet, a pawn and a king; I’ve been up and down and over and out, And I know one thing; Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race.” — Unknown Author

33. “Don’t ever let people that see what’s in your left hand, see what’s in the right.” — Lee Davies

34. “The ocean never says anything to the pirates. It just waves.” — Unknown Author

35. “I’ll be seeing you down in Davie Jones’ locker me matey.” — Unknown Author

37. “You arrrrrr my most sought after treasure!” — Unknown Author

38. “The pirates never talk to anyone properly. They are extremely arrr-ogant.” — Unknown Author

39. “Ye can swab the poop deck, but ye can’t poop on the swab deck.” — – Unknown Author

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40. “Drinking rum before 10:00 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic.” — Unknown Author

41. “Run? I thought you said rum!” — Unknown Author

42. “I had to talk to the pirate yesterday. We made aye to aye contact.” — Unknown Author

43. “When a pirate grows rich enough, they make him a prince.” — George R. Martin

44. “I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request.” — Unknown Author

45. “I had gone for a pirate’s 80th birthday party. When I asked the old pirate his age, he said “Aye Matey years old”.” — Unknown Author

46. “Ye can have me booty but leave me chest alone!” — Unknown Author

47. “I work like a captain, party like a pirate.” — Unknown Author

48. “When I asked the pirate how he is, always calm and composed. He replied, “eye patch up as soon as I fight with someone”.” — Unknown Author

49. “I am a man of fortune and must seek my fortune.” — Captain Henry Avery

50. “You touch my loot and you’ll feel my boot.” — Unknown Author

51. “It was easy to guess the pirate’s favorite musical instrument. It had to be the guit-arrr.” — Unknown Author

52. “Ahoy! Let’s trouble the water!” — Bella De Pirate

53. “Always be yourself, unless you can be a pirate. Then always be a pirate.” — Unknown Author

54. “If a pirate entered an Apple store, he would most certainly be drawn to the iPatch.” — Unknown Author

55. “I feel underdressed without some pirate garb.” — Lisa Kessler

56. “I am the reason Roger is jolly.” — Unknown Author

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57. “Pirates are great at solving math problems. They are always trying to find out where X is.” — Unknown Author

58. “There is nothing like the smell of cannon fire in the morning.” — Nyre Rose

59. “Why join the Navy when you can be a pirate?” — Unknown Author

60. “The pirate walked into the salon with his mates. He got himself a crew cut.” — Unknown Author

61. “Of course you had a choice, Riden. You just had a hard one. And you chose the easy option, which was to do nothing.” — Tricia Levenseller

62. “It is a blessing for a man to have a hand in determining his own fate.” — Blackbeard

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63. “It is very difficult to call a pirate. They always tend to leave their phones off the hook.” — Unknown Author

64. “I am sorry to see you here, but if you had fought like a man, you needn’t be hanged like a dog.” — Anne Bonny

65. “When the pirate broke his leg, he had to call the c-arrr-penter.” — Unknown Author

66. “Aye, tough mermaids are, the lot of them.” — Blackbeard

67. “The pirate dressed up as Santa Claus last Christmas. He went around singing “Row Row Row!” — Unknown Author

68. “There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate’s loot on Treasure Island.” — Walt Disney

69. “Fate has brought us together again. Well, actually, buried treasure and pirates brought us together.” — Kermit the Frog — as Captain Abraham Smollet — Movie: Muppet Treasure Island

70. “When a pirate skips his important classes, he is called Captain Hooky.” — Unknown Author

71. “Ah. Love. A dreadful bond.” — Davy Jones — Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean

72. “I went for a Halloween party yesterday. The pirate wore a pumpkin patch.” — Unknown Author

73. “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” — Dread Pirate Roberts — Movie: The Princess Bride

74. “The pirates live their lives to the fullest. They know how to seas the day.” — Unknown Author

75. “You got the makings of greatness in you, but you got to take the helm and chart your own course!” — Long John Silver — Movie: Treasure Planet


Which was your favorite Pirate quote?

As a fan of Kermit the Frog, mine is number 69 of course from the Muppet Treasure Island movie.

May the above quotes bring you much joy and heartfelt laughter matey.

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