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68 of the Most Hilarious Bill Hicks Quotes

68 of the Most Hilarious Bill Hicks Quotes

Bill Hicks was a famous American comedian that died early but left a lasting impression. He was born in 1961 in Valdosta, Georgia. He bounced around from state to state in his childhood, landing in states like Florida, New Jersey, Alabama and eventually Texas.

As a teenager, Hicks showed interest in stand-up comedy with his friend Dwight Slade. He became influenced by Woody Allen’s stand-up routines. Hicks and Slade began working on their own stand-up routines and even had an audition to appear on Jerry Lewis’s Muscular Dystrophy Association telethon, but Hick’s parents prevented them from doing so.

By the time Bill was 15 though, he was sneaking out of his window at night to accompany Slade at a comedy club called Comedy Workshop to do their stand-up routines. After they established a bit of an audience for themselves, Hicks parent’s once again put a stop to his performance.

Bill Hicks began opening for Jay Leno and even made his first appearance on Late Night with David Letterman in 1984. He started using drugs and alcohol before going up on stage to perform, this helped his act for a while until he became sloppy in his performances. In 1988, Hicks was embracing his sobriety and relocated himself to New York City.

In 1990, he released his first comedy album, Dangerous and the album received glowing reviews. After touring Australia and releasing another album, Relentless, Hicks was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1993. In 1994, Bill Hicks passed away due to his pancreatic cancer, but his impact on the comedy world still grew following his death.

Bill Hicks Quotes

“We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.” – Bill Hicks

“If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.” – Bill Hicks

“I’m tired of this back-slappin’ ‘isn’t humanity neat’ bullsh*t. We’re a virus with shoes.” – Bill Hicks

“If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.” – Bill Hicks

“You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.” – Bill Hicks

“Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled.” – Bill Hicks

“The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions” – Bill Hicks

“Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.” – Bill Hicks

“It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.” – Bill Hicks

“The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty f*cking cruel isn’t it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?” – Bill Hicks

“No one can give you any answers. There aren’t any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.” – Bill Hicks

“I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.” – Bill Hicks

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“We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?” – Bill Hicks

“Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.” – Bill Hicks

“Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” – Bill Hicks

“I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.” – Bill Hicks

“I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.” – Bill Hicks

“I am a misanthropic humanist… Do I like people? They’re great, IN THEORY.” – Bill Hicks

“Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.” – Bill Hicks

“This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.” – Bill Hicks

“By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.” – Bill Hicks

“I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.” – Bill Hicks

“Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.” – Bill Hicks

“I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.” – Bill Hicks

“It’s all about money, not freedom, y’all, okay? Nothing to do with f*ckin’ freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without f*cking money, okay?” – Bill Hicks

“It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom.” – Bill Hicks

“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are.” – Bill Hicks

“Hitler had the right idea, he was just an underachiever.” – Bill Hicks

“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, “My dad can beat up your dad.” I’d say Yeah? When?” – Bill Hicks

“I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.” – Bill Hicks

“I’m sorry if any of you are catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re catholic” – Bill Hicks

“Don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.” – Bill Hicks

“Nonsmokers–this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.” – Bill Hicks

“What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, or take into my body as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?” – Bill Hicks

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“Ah, I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this sh*t one more time.” – Bill Hicks

“Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.” – Bill Hicks

“I hate patriotism… I can’t stand it. It’s a round world last time I checked.” – Bill Hicks

“I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul” – Bill Hicks

“Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.” – Bill Hicks

“I loved when Bush came out and said, ‘We are losing the war against drugs.’ You know what that implies? There’s a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.” – Bill Hicks

“Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again.” – Bill Hicks

“The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love.” – Bill Hicks

“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” – Bill Hicks

“We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.” – Bill Hicks

“It’s just a ride. ”- Bill Hicks

“Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.” – Bill Hicks

“Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They’re sick, they’re not criminals. Sick people don’t get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.” – Bill Hicks

“It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a f*cking joke.” – Bill Hicks

“Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.” – Bill Hicks

“The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions” – Bill Hicks

“I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.” – Bill Hicks

“Not all drugs are good.. some of them are great.” – Bill Hicks

“All governments are lying c*cksuckers.” – Bill Hicks

“I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.” – Bill Hicks

“When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.” – Bill Hicks

“I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.” – Bill Hicks

“Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.” – Bill Hicks

“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin’ mouth.” – Bill Hicks

“When you’re…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, ‘Wow. Maybe our system doesn’t work?’” – Bill Hicks

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“Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?” – Bill Hicks

“They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer.” – Bill Hicks

“I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love, and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.” – Bill Hicks

“Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.” – Bill Hicks

“I believe everyone has this f*ckin’ poem in his heart.” – Bill Hicks

“It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.” – Bill Hicks

“The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.” – Bill Hicks

“Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit …unnatural?” – Bill Hicks

“We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.” – Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks Video – Anti Intellectualism

This is Bill at his best! His dry humor comes through in this clip where he discusses what he would like to do on an airplane. And also how he got into trouble for reading in Tennessee. You will LOL if you watch this!

Summary

Bill Hicks was not as successful as he planned to be in his life, but he never gave up on his dreams. From his parents trying to stop his success as a child/teenager to his addiction problems in the 1980s, Hicks still never gave up his stand-up comedy dream.

Even after his death, Bill Hicks’ reputation grew, David Letterman even devoted an episode to Hicks in 2009 because shortly before Hicks died Letterman refused to air a performance but realized that was a mistake. He was a comedian so these quotes obviously will be funny, some of them may be inspiring to you or motivational simply by giving you the laugh you needed.

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Image Credit: Bill_Hicks_at_the_Laff_Stop_in_Austin,_Texas,_1991_(2).jpg: Angela Davis (Angela D.) from Austin, TX, USAderivative work: RanZag, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons