35 Hilarious Bill Burr Quotes

Bill Burr is an American actor, writer, stand-up comedian, and podcaster. He grew up in Massachusetts and was not bright in school, despite doing the application himself. Having gained notoriety for his recrudesce role in Chappelle’s show, season two, Burr developed a comedic style involving uninformed logic, making him a regular with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, and Jimmy Kimmel.

Bill Burr Is famous for featuring In crime drama series as Patrick Kuby, breaking bad as well as developing and starring In the animated sitcom F for Family, a Netflix movie. Monday Morning Podcast by Bill is one of the most popular podcasts and airs twice weekly and has become a fan-favorite show. It was started by Bill in May 2007. Bill and Al Madrigal are the founders of All Things Comedy, which is owned and run by comedians to give them the chance to create content that they think is funny. Being a funny guy, Bill has a collection of quotes that are funny and inspiring at the same time as provided by this article.

Bill Burr Quotes

1. “The Giants beating the undefeated Patriots, that’s all a joke. The star of a reality show is going to run the country. The guy who decided if Bret Michaels or Cyndi Lauper would make a better CEO for a company that doesn’t exist is going to be running stuff.”– Bill Burr

2. “You have to show up at 7 in the morning and be on like it’s 9 at night. It’s a skill. Some comics run from it, and they hate doing it, but the comics that are pros understand how important it is, and they get good at it.”– Bill Burr

3. “If you do live shows long enough as a comedian, you can still hear that rhythm of laughing. It’s ingrained in you, and it’s not something you can really teach somebody. It comes from doing hours and hours and hours and years and decades on stage, performing in front of live crowds.”– Bill Burr

4. “Rednecks are like America’s pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop ’em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, ‘Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo — it’ll scare the hell out of them.”– Bill Burr

5. “I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I’m thinking of all these unbelievable comedians I’ve seen on HBO: Chris Rock, George Carlin, Damon Wayans, Richard Pryor, and Billy Crystal. I started having a panic attack seeing my name on that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.”– Bill Burr

6. “You’re a kid, your whole life is awesome. It’s awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren’t scared of anything. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards – just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can’t see your house, and not have a full-on panic attack.”– Bill Burr

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7. “You know why men make more money than women? Because, in the unlikely event that we’re both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay – that’s why I get the dollar more an hour”– Bill Burr

8. “I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.”– Bill Burr

9. “I gotta be honest with you. I’m kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just make your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?”– Bill Burr

10. “A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they’re really small.”– Bill Burr

11. “I’m one of those guys where you know, I’m 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities, I’ve actually expanded the number of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I’m still young enough to travel.”– Bill Burr

12. “There’s no “brothers” when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy.”– Bill Burr

13. “Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.”– Bill Burr

14. “A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they’re really small.”– Bill Burr

15. “Being a stand-up comic, this isn’t a stepping-stone for me; it’s what I do, and this is what I’m always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reason to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.”– Bill Burr

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16. “People make a big deal about podcasts but it’s basically an online radio show with the sound effects and sidekicks, but because you can curse it’s more like satellite radio. Most of the podcasters were morning guys who were fired when Clear Channel decimated the radio landscape.”– Bill Burr

17. “Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.”– Bill Burr

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18. “I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.”– Bill Burr

19. “I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?”– Bill Burr

20. “I’ve been guilty of being in the writers’ room and going too dark; other people have gone too wacky and zany.”– Bill Burr

21.”Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad;’ I don’t know.”– Bill Burr

22. “I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.”– Bill Burr

23. “Oh look an ATM! Ok here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.”– Bill Burr

24. “You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, ‘You know what? We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office, but we don’t want you to look at anybody.”– Bill Burr

25. “Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans – if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we’d never live it down.”– Bill Burr

26. “I can tell you why I like different countries. Ireland – some of the funniest heckles I’ve ever gotten. And the last time I did England I did Bristol, Manchester, and then London. The whole country is just amazing to drive through.”– Bill Burr

27. “When you say, “there’s no reason [to hit a woman]” that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, “there’s no reason,” you cut out the build-up and you’re just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don’t figure it out?.”– Bill Burr

28. “I have fun doing movies, I’ve had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it’s just me talking, it’s also interaction with the crowd.”– Bill Burr

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29. “Against these two [Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton] I would [vote], but I never voted for [Barack Obama]. I always voted third party – the ones who say they’re gonna jail the bankers.”– Bill Burr.

30. “The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.”– Bill Burr

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31. “My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who’s logged more hours than that guy.”– Bill Burr

32. “There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.”– Bill Burr

33. “I heard a quote once in a documentary about a band that said you’re better off owning everything 100 percent and selling 20,000 copies of an album than signing with a record company and selling a million copies. There has never been a truer statement about show business than that.”– Bill Burr

34. “If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that’s good for me; I’m good.”– Bill Burr

35. “Serbia? Isn’t that the place that Clinton bombed because he stuck that cigar in that girl’s twat?”– Bill Burr

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Bill Burr Video: Joe Rogan Experience #1491 – Bill Burr

If you want to really see how funny Bill Burr is without watching his standup routine, check out this clip. This is from his appearance on the Joe Rogan Experience, which is one of the top podcasts in the world at the time of this writing. Bill and Joe are good friends and in this interview, they talk about a lot of different things, have a drink (or more!) and the conversation is entertaining and rambling.


In conclusion, Bill Burr is a famous comedian in the U.S and has featured in several TV shows in America.  In general, Bill is a comedian and he offers controversial and funny takes on current social issues. He is not afraid to take on controversy.

Bill Burr is widely considered to be one of the funniest living comedians. If you watch his shows you will likely be laughing hysterically!

We hoped you enjoyed the quotes from Bill Burr today.

Image Credit: Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

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