59 of the Most Hilarious Michael Scott Quotes

The Office aired in 2005 and ran until 2013. It was a high rated show and many people still watch the show’s reruns. The show was based in an office workplace setting and featured relatable moments for people that work in that setting, along with many comedy moments for the inappropriate behavior, clashes amongst co-workers, and typical office mockery that the show consisted of.

Some of ‘The Office cast members were Rainn Wilson, Angela Kinsey, Jenna Fischer, Ed Helms, Craig Robinson, Leslie David Baker, John Krasinski, and of course Steve Carell playing Michael Scott. Michael Scott is one of the top favorite characters from the hit show, he was only in 142 episodes while other main characters such as Dwight and Jim were in 188 episodes.

Bob Odenkirk and Martin Short were interested in playing the Regional Manager, Odenkirk was actually almost officially cast as Michael Scott because Carell was already cast in another NBC show, but that show got cancelled and Carell was able to devote his time to playing Michael Scott in ‘The Office’. Steve Carell is a talented actor, and one funny comedian so we couldn’t imagine The Office without him.

Michael Scott Quotes

  1. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!” – Michael Scott
  2. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” – Michael Scott
  3. “I…Declare…Bankruptcy!” – Michael Scott
  4. “I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate…no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it…Nike.” – Michael Scott
  5. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott
  6. “There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.” – Michael Scott
  7. “Would I rather be feared or loved? That’s easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott
  8. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott
  9. “Where are the turtles?!” – Michael Scott
  10. “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.” – Michael Scott
  11. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott
  12. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?” – Michael Scott
  13. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.” – Michael Scott
  14. “You should never settle for who you are.” – Michael Scott
  15. “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!” – Michael Scott
  16. “Abraham Lincoln once said that ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.” – Michael Scott
  17. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott
  18. “Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.” – Michael Scott
  19. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will.” – Michael Scott
  20. “I am Beyonce, always.” – Michael Scott
  21. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott
  22. “As it turns out, you can’t just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um. I think I can do it.” – Michael Scott
  23. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” – Michael Scott
  24. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” – Michael Scott
  25. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” – Michael Scott
  26. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” – Michael Scott
  27. “I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.” – Michael Scott
  28. “I say dance, they say ‘How high?’” – Michael Scott
  29. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.” – Michael Scott
  30. “I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.” – Michael Scott
  31. “I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott
  32. “That is sort of an oaky afterbirth.” – Michael Scott
  33. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” – Michael Scott
  34. “You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.’” – Michael Scott
  35. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” – Michael Scott
  36. “If I had a gin with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott
  37. “The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout ‘shotgun’ when you’re within sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.” – Michael Scott
  38. “Dwight you ignorant sl*t.” – Michael Scott
  39. “Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.” – Michael Scott
  40. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott
  41. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” – Michael Scott
  42. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott
  43. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did…” – Michael Scott
  44. “I want you to rub butter on my foot…Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” – Michael Scott
  45. “And I’m optimistic because everyday I get a little more desperate.” – Michael Scott
  46. “Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.” – Michael Scott
  47. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
  48. “You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.” – Michael Scott
  49. “About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.” – Michael Scott
  50. “Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.” – Michael Scott
  51. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott
  52. “I am running away from my responsibilities, and it feels good.” – Michael Scott
  53. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” – Michael Scott
  54. “They always say that it’s a mistake to hire your friends. And they are right. So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get!?” – Michael Scott
  55. “I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it…” – Michael Scott
  56. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.” – Michael Scott
  57. “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It’s like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth.” – Michael Scott
  58. “No, I’m not going to tell them about downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott
  59. “You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.” – Michael Scott’
Read ->  The 45 Best Ron Swanson Quotes

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Michael Scott Video Clip

Here is a fantastic montage of the best clips of Michael Scott.

We promise it will make you laugh today…enjoy!

Related: Robert California’s Funniest Quotes


Steve Carell was nominated for many awards worldwide because of his part in playing Michael Scott in ‘The Office’, he actually won some of those awards such as a Golden Globe Award for best performance (2006). ‘

The Office’ series won AFI Awards in 2007 and 2009 for TV program of the year. If Michael Scott was one of your favorite characters or even your all time favorite character from ‘The Office’, these quotes are sure to make you laugh and maybe even want to watch some reruns.

Related humor: Larry David’s Funniest Quotes

Image Credit: Steve_Carell_with_wife_Nancy_Walls_@_2010_Academy_Awards.jpg: Photo by Sgt. Michael Connorsderivative work: RanZag, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons



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