46 of the Most Memorable Robert California Quotes

Robert California, also known as Bob Kazamakis, is a popular guest character That appeared on the show ‘The Office’. The character is played by James Spader, an actor That is well known For his works and a big score to get on the show.

The character of Robert California was only supposed to be a one episode role but the producers called Spader and said they’d like to see more of the Robert California character in the show and Spader accepted.

He made his first appearance in the series seventh season finale, “Search Committee”, and was interviewed For the Scranton branch Manager position. In the season 8 premiere, “The List”, it is confirmed That Robert California was going to be on the show For an extended time and wow the audience with his intimidating and humorous remarks towards the other characters. The season eight finale, “Free Family Portrait Studio”, was the last time viewers saw Robert California in the series.

Robert California Quotes

  1. “Oof! [laughs] Wouldn’t wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. [laughs] I’m actually the CEO.” – Robert California
  2. “Yes, For God’s sake, Andy, yes, please come in.” – Robert California
  3. “Our favorite names, silly made-up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn’t That be nice?” – Robert California
  4. “You don’t work in sales, do you.” – Robert California
  5. “[Speaking to Andy over the phone] You don’t even know my real name. I’m the f*cking Lizard King.” – Robert California
  6. “Erin when you recount your day never say you woke up. That’s a waste of your time. That’s how Every day is begun For everyone since the dawn of man.” – Robert California
  7. “I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find It best to recuse myself temporarily until I’ve had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.” – Robert California
  8. “Jim, what does your daughter think of the street?” – Robert California
  9. “You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does It matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep-sea drilling equipment? Don’t be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive.” – Robert California
  10. “Can everyone just, please… I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and – how should I say this – Columbian whites. What – what is this about, uh, Binghamton?” – Robert California
  11. “Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does She think of the Street?” – Robert California
  12. “Ah. [chuckles] Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-p*nised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring It on, but you’re gonna be surprised by how ugly It gets. You don’t even know my real name. I’m the f*cking lizard king.” – Robert California
  13. “I’m afraid you’ve lost my interest.” – Robert California
  14. “There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only… sex. Everything… is sex. You understand That what I’m telling you is a universal truth,… Toby.” – Robert California
  15. “Shh… shh… [vomits in trash can].” – Robert California
  16. “When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family’s. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil.” – Robert California
  17. “There is only sex. Everything is sex.” – Robert California
  18. “Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?” – Robert California
  19. “Here’s what It is, it’s a doodle. Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised, don’t you think?” – Robert California
  20. “Sesame Street.” – Robert California
  21. “One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with Her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. [hisses] She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby’s crib, was a snake wrapped around baby’s neck, squeezing tighter and tighter.” – Robert California
  22. “I’m the f*cking lizard king” – Robert California
  23. “Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you? Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice, right now? You can answer me.” – Robert California
  24. “There’s something about an underdog That really inspires the unexceptional.” – Robert California
  25. “Elmo. God save us… the Elmo era. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. The complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Our’s is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn’t you agree?” – Robert California
  26. “The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby. For they were mummies.” – Robert California
  27. “I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas…” – Robert California
  28. “One day, the Baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting For someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, For allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers.” – Robert California
  29. “That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is That It is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object… whether It will be flattened or not, and I can tell from the small interaction we’ve had already, you won’t be flattened by anybody. Do you agree with me, Jim?” – Robert California
  30. “Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty.” – Robert California
  31. “For Lydia and Her husband had had an argument, one they couldn’t get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time She lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse.” – Robert California
  32. “Erin when you recount your day…” Robert California
  33. “[more emphatically than Jim] Yes. You do. [nods at the Search Committee, then looks over at the camera with a smirk on his face]” – Robert California
  34. “Hey, my friend, trust me. This is For the best. I never understood That corporate mess.” – Robert California
  35. “I’ll tell you some thing I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social cues, and then inevitably reframing It all in a reassuring way so That you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in That at all.” – Robert California
  36. “Every time She wanted to act and didn’t, another part of Her face hardened, until It was stone. And That fevered night, She rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, ‘Baby, are you okay?’ Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, ‘I’m fine, b*tch. I’m fine.’” – Robert California
  37. “I am never uncomfortable” – Robert California
  38. “That business can’t attract anyone. It’s awful up there. Those people seem like they’re in prison, waiting out life sentences in a… dying industry.” – Robert California
  39. “If I invited you to lunch, I think you’re a winner. If I didn’t I don’t. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong.” – Robert California
  40. “When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here: Marley and Me and On Golden F*cking Pond.” – Robert California
  41. “I’m afraid you’ve lost my interest.” – Robert California
  42. “They never have improved on the Oreo, have they?” – Robert California
  43. “I know you now, your nature. I’m done. Not worth continuing. [at the same time, Dwight says: You don’t know me! Anything about me! Get out of my head!]” – Robert California
  44. “You read my notebook? And photo-copied it? And distributed it?” – Robert California
  45. “Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I’ll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one.” -Robert Califonria
  46. “I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street. [nods at Dwight mockingly]” – Robert California
Read ->  15 Memorable Quotes from Charlie Brown Christmas

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Robert California Video – Best of Robert California

This is a great clip that has the best moments of James Spader Playing the character of Robert California on the Office TV show.

Related: Ron Swanson’s Funniest Quotes


Although he was only in the series For 15 episodes, Robert California made quite the impact of viewers and s a fan favorite because of the intimidating, humorous, and s*xual things he says. ‘The Office’ had and still has many fans, only a true ‘The Office’ fan would know these Robert California quotes word For word. Send some of these quotes to your friends who are true fans of the show, or use them For yourself because you’re a true fan yourself.

Image Credit: Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

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