69 of the Funniest Sarcasm Quotes

We all know that sarcasm is defined as witty statements that are said in an ironic, sometimes even bitter way for the main purpose of attacking an individual or group of individuals while providing amusement. Being sarcastic can be useful in just plain providing amusement, showing that you are irritated, directed at someone as insulting, or even be used in a defensive way.

People normally associate sarcasm with its definition of intending to cut or wound a person, place or thing with a mocking statement though.

Scientists that have studied sarcasm and the human mind, say that the inability to understand sarcasm usually means that they have some sort of mental disorder that doesn’t allow them to distinguish the difference between being sarcastic and being sincere.

Children tend to understand and use sarcasm around the time they go to kindergarten, if they don’t understand sarcasm by this time it could be an early sign of brain disease. While monitoring brains, scientists also have discovered that it makes the brain work harder to understand sarcasm than just understanding a sincere statement. Essentially, using and understanding sarcasm makes the brain sharper and enables creative problem solving. Okay, without further ado, here are the best quotes about sarcasm – guaranteed to crack you up!

Sarcasm Quotes

  1. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
  2. “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” – Ogden Nash
  3. “Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.” – Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
  4. “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban
  5. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.” – Unknown
  6. “Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky
  7. “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.” – Unknown
  8. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.” – Unknown
  9. “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” – George Bernard Shaw
  10. “‘Are you always a smart*ss?’ Nope. Sometimes I’m asleep.” – Jim Butcher, Blood Rites
  11. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” – Homer Simpson
  12. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” – Unknown
  13. “Sarcasm is weird. Even not in acting, in life I feel like ‘sarcastic’ is a word that people use to describe me sometimes so when I meet someone, it’s almost like they feel like they have to also be sarcastic, but it can sometimes just come off as mean if it’s not used in the right way.” – Aubrey Plaza
  14. “Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.” – Unknown
  15. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.” – Unknown
  16. “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
  17. “You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm… It’s really funny.” – Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
  18. “If anything can go wrong, it will.” – Murphy’s Laws
  19. “Find your patience before I lose mine.” – Unknown
  20. “Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.” – Thomas Carlyle
  21. “People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.” – Unknown
  22. “You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.” – Unknown
  23. “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus
  24. “‘We…we could be friends.’ We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we’re not. At least, I’M not.” – Neil Gaiman, Coraline
  25. “Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” – Robin Williams
  26. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” – Robin Williams
  27. “Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.” – Unknown
  28. “Some sarcasm is best told simply.” – Kevin Hart
  29. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
  30. “This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” – Lorrie Moore, Like Life
  31. “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams
  32. “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the h*ll you got the idea I cared.” – Unknown
  33. “The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by f*cking mail.” – Unknown
  34. “Neither irony nor sarcasm is argument.” – Rufus Choate
  35. “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.” – Unknown
  36. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
  37. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.” – Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer
  38. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.” – Unknown
  39. “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” – Robin Williams
  40. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Unknown
  41. “A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.” – Lawrence G. Lovasik
  42. “I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.” – Unknown
  43. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – The Dalai Lama
  44. “Awww,” Minho said. “That’s almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face.” – James Dashner, The Death Cure
  45. “Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams
  46. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.” – Unknown
  47. “If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.” – Unknown
  48. “Sarcasm the body’s natural defense against stupidity.” – Unknown
  49. “Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?” – Unknown
  50. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
  51. “They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. “They’ve obviously never met me.” – Derek Landy, Mortal Coil
  52. “Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.” – Unknown
  53. “Sarcasm was usually lost on imbeciles.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon
  54. “Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.” – Unknown
  55. “Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?” – Unknown
  56. “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” – Unknown
  57. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
  58. “It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.” – Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal
  59. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
  60. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
  61. “Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.” – Unknown
  62. “Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.” – Mahmoud Darwish
  63. “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.” – Unknown
  64. “Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” – Stephen Colbert
  65. “Are you insinuatin’ that my daughter is a liar?’ Oh, no, not at all. I’m saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.” – Kami Garcia, Beautiful Creatures
  66. “It’s a match made in heaven…by a retarded angel.” – Woody Allen
  67. “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.” – Unknown
  68. “Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.” – Unknown
  69. “When dealing with sarcastic people, prescribe them the same course of medicine but with a stronger dosage.” – Unknown
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Understanding and using sarcasm is essential to communicating in today’s world. When used in moderation and carefully, sarcasm can spark creativity in the workplace, at school or at home with your family and friends. In addition, sarcasm can be quite harmful to a relationship with a friend, lover, family member or colleague.

It has been studied that using sarcasm with people you trust and that trust you can be beneficial and fun to a relationship, but using sarcasm with someone that is untrusting of you can damage a relationship greatly, but what’s a relationship without trust anyways? Send these quotes to the friends, colleagues, family members, or a lover that you often benefit from using sarcasm with in that fun and humorous way.



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