60 of the Greatest Stoner Quotes

People seem to either love or hate marijuana – there is probably no resolution in sight. If you are fond of weed, you know there are numerous benefits to its use, such as stress and pain relief. If you are not, you know there are numerous detriments to it, such as difficulty decision making and memory issues. We are not here to take sides in the timeless battle.

Stoner Quotes

We are only here to offer you 60 of the Greatest Stoner Quotes of all time. Here you are!

  1. “I think pot should be legal. I don’t smoke it, but I like the smell of it.” Andy Warhol
  2. “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit unnatural?” Bill Hicks
  3. “Struggle is the enemy, but weed is the remedy.”
  4. “I don’t think [pot] is more dangerous than alcohol.” Barack Obama
  5. “I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits – and millions of Americans agree with me.” Hunter S. Thompson
  6. “Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” Robin Williams
  7. “Many artists and writers have used cannabis for creative stimulation – from the writers of the world’s religious masterpieces to our most irreverent satirists.” Jack Herer
  8. “When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.” Bob Marley
  9. “I don’t have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I’m too busy smoking with people who love weed.”
  10. “The criminalization of cannabis did not prevent cannabis from becoming the most widely used illegal substance in the United States and many other countries. But it did result in extensive costs and negative consequences.” Jerry Spiegel
  11. “I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.” Bill Clinton
  12. “When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.” Barack Obama
  13. “I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.” Bill Murray
  14. “The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship, so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.” Carl Sagan
  15. “It’s hard to be mean when you’re stoned.” Bill Lee
  16. “It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics… dope and all that crap. It’s a thousand times better than whiskey – it’s an assistant – a friend.” Louis Armstrong
  17. “Stress can pull you down, but weed can lift you right back up.”
  18. “‎Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye can see.” Thomas Jefferson
  19. “I used to smoke marijuana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late mid-afternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early-morning…But never at dusk.” Steve Martin
  20. “The only serious side-effect of marijuana is that you might get arrested.” Alan Watts
  21. “Whoever laughs last, is probably the most stoned.”
  22. “I got high, and forgot I wasn’t supposed to get high.” Ricky Williams
  23. “The biggest killer on the planet is stress and I still think the best medicine is and always has been cannabis.” Willie Nelson
  24. “It doesn’t have a high potential for abuse, and there are very legitimate medical applications. In fact, sometimes marijuana is the only thing that works.” Dr. Sanjay Gupta
  25. “If the words ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’ don’t include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn’t worth the hemp it was written on.” Terence McKenna
  26. “You know you’re a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Marley cake.” Miley Cyrus
  27. “That is not a drug, it’s a leaf.” Arnold Schwarzenegger
  28. “If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution — then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise.” Aldous Huxley
  29. “Make the most you can of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere.” George Washington
  30. “People say you can abuse marijuana. Well s**t, you can abuse cheeseburgers too, you know? You don‘t go around closing Burger King because you can abuse something.” Joe Rogan
  31. “Of course I know how to roll a joint.” Martha Stewart
  32. “If somebody’s gonna smoke a joint… And not do anybody else any harm… Then perhaps there are other things that our cops should be looking at.” Sarah Palin
  33. “I know you’re supposed to tell kids not to do drugs, but, kids, do it! Do weed! Don’t do the other stuff, but weed is good.” Kevin Smith
  34. “Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could.” William F. Buckley Jr
  35. “Of course drugs were fun. And that’s what’s so stupid about anti-drug campaigns: they don’t admit that. I can’t say I feel particularly scarred or lessened by my experimentation with drugs. They’ve gotten a very bad name.” Angelica Houston
  36. “Is marijuana addictive. Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.” Richard Neville
  37. “I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of Maine. There’s some pretty good homegrown dope. I’m sure it would be even better if you could grow it with fertilizers and have greenhouses.” Stephen King
  38. “It is beyond my comprehension that any humane person would withhold such a beneficial substance from people in such great need simply because others use it for different purposes.” Steven Gould
  39. “I will Never give up the Ganja – God’s own weed” Morgan Freeman
  40. “Marijuana has killed far fewer people than swimming pools; it’s the war against it that does all the violence.: Lawrence Reed
  41. “I’ve known enough drug users–going as far back as grade school and the streets of New York–not to view them as pariahs or lost souls. I’ve certainly smoked more than my quota of weed.” Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
  42. “”They’ve outlawed the number one vegetable on the planet.” Timothy Leary
  43. “I apprehended the structure of certain pieces of jazz and classical music in a new manner under the influence of marijuana, and these apprehensions have remained valid in years of normal consciousness.” Allen Ginsberg
  44. “Stop killing each other man. Let’s just smoke a blunt.” Tupac
  45. “The greatest service that can be rendered to any country is to add a useful plant to its culture.” Thomas Jefferson
  46. “One’s condition on marijuana is always existential. One can feel the importance of each moment and how it is changing.” Norman Mailer
  47. “It would be wryly interesting if in human history the cultivation of marijuana led generally to the invention of agriculture, and thereby to civilization.” Carl Sagan
  48. “Instead of taking five or six of the prescriptions, I decided to go a natural route and smoke marijuana.” Melissa Etheridge
  49. “Sativa to change the things I can, Indica to accept the things I can’t.”
  50. “A joint a day keeps the bad mood away.”
  51. “Marijuana can act as the loosening agent, so that whatever has been banned from consciousness may come cascading forth. To uncover our deceptions without our usual rationalizations can be unpleasant, an experience that has turned many psychologically fragile individuals away from marijuana despite its therapeutic catharsis.” Joan Bello
  52. “The amount of money and of legal energy being given to prosecute hundreds of thousands of Americans who are caught with a few ounces of marijuana in their jeans simply makes no sense —the kindest way to put it. A sterner way to put it is that it is an outrage, an imposition on basic civil liberties and on the reasonable expenditure of social energy.” William F. Buckley Jr
  53. ““I have found in my study of these patients that cannabis is really a safe, effective and non-toxic alternative to many standard medications. There is no such thing as an overdose. We have seen very minimal problems with abuse or dependence, which at worst are equivalent to dependence on caffeine. While a substance may have some potential for misuse, in my opinion, that’s a poor excuse to deny its use and benefit to everyone else.” Philip Denney, MD
  54. “[Marijuana prohibition] is just the stupidest law possible.. Just legalize it and tax it like we do liquor.” Morgan Freeman
  55. “If organized religion is the opium of the masses, then disorganized religion is the marijuana of the lunatic fringe.” Kerry Wendell Thornley
  56. “Cannabis, just like morphine, has its usage in medicine. It’s unpardonable that authorities forbid sick people access to this medicament and in majesty of law permit to sell cigarettes.” Jerzy Vetulani
  57. “In our culture, the Native Americans, when two strangers come together. You know what we do in our culture? We smoke the peace pipe.” Tatanka
  58. “I don’t do drugs, though. Just weed.” Dave Chappelle
  59. “Smoking weed doesn’t make you cool, but if you’re cool then you probably smoke weed.”
  60. ““A friend with weed is a friend indeed…” Pops O’Donnell
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We hope you have enjoyed these interesting and sometimes surprising stoner quotes. Impress your stoner friends with funny ones. Learn from the medical and legal aspects of the serious ones. Be shocked and surprised by the early American ones. And above all, have fun with them.

Machine Gun Kelly – Mind of a Stoner ft. Wiz Khalifa (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO)

This video from 2014 features Machine Gun Kelly and Wiz Khalifa. Appropriately called “Mind of a Stoner” it goes well with the quotes we have above. Its a rap style version of the Mind of a stoner who is smoking weed all day. It’s a very popular video that has been viewed over 150 million times, so we think you will appreciate it too!

Finally, we leave you with a reminder about the original “stoner” in the movies – be sure to see our Jeff Spicoli Quotes – they are hilarious!

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