50 of the Best John Witherspoon Quotes

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John Witherspoon was born in Detroit, Michigan in 1942. He was one of eleven children, and even modeled as a child. He showed a great interest in music, along with his brother William, but William went on to pursue a career in music while John pursued a career in stand-up comedy.

In the 1970s, he earned a name for himself and befriended other stand-up comedians such as Tim Reid, Jay Leno, Robin Williams and David Letterman. David Letterman became the godfather to both of Witherspoon’s sons. Although many people know the name John Witherspoon and associate it with the ‘Friday’ movies, he was in earlier works as well, spending more than 30 years in the business.

Some of John Witherspoon’s work includes, ‘I’m Gonna Get You Sucka’ (1988), ‘The Wayans Brothers Show’ (1994), ‘Frank’s Place’ (1987), ‘Friday” (1995), ‘Next Friday’ (2000), and ‘Friday After Next’ (2002). John Witherspoon suffered from coronary heart disease and died of a heart attack on October 30th 2019 in his Sherman Oaks, California home.

John Witherspoon Quotes

  1. “So how much do you really love your boy? Not enough to pay his f*cking rent. I have enough trouble paying my own d*mn rent!” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday After Next’
  2. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing: round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month, the rent is due. If you ain’t got nothin’ on the table, you ain’t gotta worry about catchin’ a dog, you gotta worry about a dog catchin’ your *ss!” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  3. “[after drinking orange juice] Ahhh, a full day’s supply of Vitamin C!” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’
  4. “I’m every father. I’m not only a black father. I’m a white father. I’m a Chinese father. I’m a Mexican father. I’m all fathers that want their sons out of the house and stop eating up all the food. Get a job, please. Stop looking at the TV.” – John Witherspoon
  5. “Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen… in the godd*mn refrigerator… eating up all the food. All the chicken. All the pig feet.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  6. “Don’t be p*ssy whipped! Whip that p*ssy!” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jackson, ‘Boomerang’
  7. “Aw, man. Your mother and I never woulda moved to this neighborhood if we had known you need a gun to walk down the d*mn street.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  8. “Don’t nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  9. “[looking at the boys’ BB gun] This damn thing looks real!” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’
  10. “When you’re poor, an egg sandwich is dinner and you cut your potatoes with a butter knife.” – John Witherspoon
  11. “I want you to get your *ss up today, go out and look for a job. The word today is job. J-O-B.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  12. “BANG! BANG! BANG!” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jackson, ‘Boomerang’
  13. “Oh, no, son, that’s not the way it is. You kids today are nothin’ but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. You’re scared to take an *ss-whippin’.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  14. “That’s the beauty of it! I grab a dog, and I choke him, and I kick the sh*t out of him! All day long, my foot up a dog’s *ss! Just bang-bang-bang up his *ss! That’s my pleasure.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  15. “Being on the toilet stool is the grossest thing there is, to me.” – John Witherspoon
  16. “Hey, young man. You got knocked the f*ck out.” – John Withspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Next Friday’
  17. “The secret is you got to coordinate, most people don’t coordinate” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jackson, ‘Boomerang’
  18. “Eatin’ up all the food. All the chitlins… All the pigs’ feet… All the collard greens… All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins… I like pigs’ feet.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  19. “Hey, ain’t that Webster?” – John Witherspoon as Pops, ‘The Wayans Bros.
  20. “If I hit the lotto, I would be nowhere near the road. But I got bills to pay.” – John Witherspoon
  21. “Ooh, I can’t wait to see your mama naked. That big old booty bouncing around. Boom, boom, boom.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Next Friday’
  22. “Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jone, ‘Next Friday’
  23. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing: round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month, the rent is due. If you ain’t got nothin’ on the table, you ain’t gotta worry about catchin’ a dog. You gotta worry about a dog catchin’ YOUR *ss!” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  24. “Punch me in my eye? I’ll put him over my knee and give HIM a “different stroke”.” – John Witherspoon as Pops, The Wayans Bros.
  25. “In ‘Boomerang,’ they didn’t have a script at all, they just told me to come up with some stuff.” – John Witherspoon
  26. “Versace? You can’t even spell Versace.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Next Friday’
  27. “You win some, you lose some. But you live to fight another day.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  28. “[in toilet] Boy, bring your ass up in here. What you talkin’ ’bout, you wait ’til I come out? I smelled your sh*t for 22 years, now you can smell mine for five minutes.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  29. “Mm-hmm. You were havin’ that dream where you made the white people riot again, weren’t you?” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’
  30. “The kids of America, please get a damn job. Get out of the house, leave the refrigerator alone. Stop wearing my shoes. Leave my shirts alone, get a job. Spend your own money.” – John Witherspoon
  31. “I hope the bathroom is clean. If it ain’t, I don’t give a d*mn.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Next Friday’
  32. “Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the godd*mn refrigerator.“ – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  33. “[Mr. Jones snoring and talking in his sleep] Give me the two piece special. Lots of hotsauce and all the fries you can give me. Thank you, thank you.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  34. “There’s a new white man out here! He’s refined. For example, did you know that the new white man loves gourmet cheese?” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’
  35. “I didn’t change my voice for ‘The Boondocks.’ “ – John Witherspoon
  36. “This is my boy. I’m the only one who can yell at him. Where the h*ll you been?” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Next Friday’
  37. “I wish you was sleeping right now, I knock you upside your head with a left hook make your *ss wake up and take out that d*mn trash.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  38. “Don’t you talk back to me, boy!” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’
  39. “That’s my father’s theme. Get up in the morning, ‘hello, Dad.’ ‘Get a job, leave the food alone… Who took my car?’ America, you young kids, get a job. All that sagging, the clothes hanging behind, that ain’t nothing. Get a job. You want to be somebody, get a job.” – John Witherspoon
  40. “Why you boys beating up on Santa Claus? What he did to you?” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday After Next’
  41. “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take the garbage out front son!” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  42. “Y’all need to start appreciating your Grandaddy! I went and spent your inheritance on this beautiful house in this neighborhood! And all I ask you to do is act like you got some class…” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’
  43. “I’m sick of all these boring cooking shows.” – John Witherspoon
  44. “Nobody got me *ss-whipped. I whips *ss!” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday After Next’
  45. “Now when I went to bed last night. Didn’t I tell you take out the trash?” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  46. “I mean, I happen to think a man looks nice with good hair and a ponytail. But no, I’m not gay.” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Grandad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’
  47. “When you’re hungry, everything tastes good.” – John Witherspoon
  48. “You best go check on the sauce. Mama’s out on her feet again.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday After Next’
  49. “Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game.” – John Witherspoon as Mr. Jones, ‘Friday’
  50. “The h*ll I can’t! You gonna go and you not gonna embarrass me in front of my new neighbors or I’m gonna beat yo’ *ss!” – John Witherspoon as Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman, ‘Boondocks’

Summary

John Witherspoon played well loved characters in his TV shows and movies and has many fans all over. Being a stand-up comedian, reading these quotes might make you laugh.

You can also share these quotes with fellow John Witherspoon fans, and maybe initiate a plan to watch the ‘Friday’ movies or any of his other works.

Image Credit: Sister Circle TV, CC BY 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

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